Throughout my twenty-one years, I have yearned for one thing: a home. An early separation of my parental unit ensured that for the rest of my dependent years I would travel between two households, never establishing a firm root system in one home. It was, in all aspects, a deteriorated family life.
At the age of 18, I decided that I was ready to thrive on my own. Little did I know, life in the real world is a cold and terrifying thing when you are naive and haven't the first clue on how to survive. And so my downward spiral began.
Between the ages of 18 and 22, I resided in a total of four apartments, one townhome, five houses, and two treatment centers. Needless to say, none of them stuck. I would either find myself bored, financially strained or evicted. My childhood pattern of home bouncing stuck strong.
Today, I am tired of living the life of a gypsy. I crave a stable environment where I can thrive and a place to call my own. But before I can do that, I first have to establish an independence that will withstand the tremendous trails of volatile relationships. Hopefully, the future will hold less explosive and unstable unions. I am creating a life where I don't combine relationships and residences in the first month.
During this self search, I have thought about the perfect place to reside in. At first I decided I craved the hot weather that lasted all year long. As I started thinking about it, I wouldn't particularly enjoy Florida, as it is known for Hurricanes and large reptiles. California is known for its Earthquakes. Mexico's water isn't safe for hydration. Arizona, New Mexico and Texas have scorpions and rattlesnakes. Jamaica is known for its pot, and Hawaii has volcanoes. If I decided to venture towards the seasonal areas, I would have to put up with flaky weather in Kentucky, the stench in New York, anime conventions in Arkansas, racism in Alabama and meth labs in Tennessee. My last option would be Alaska, where I could potentially be attacked by a polar bear or mistaken for a Harbor Seal and speared by an oblivious Eskimo.
In conclusion, I have yet to find the perfect place to live. Until I do, I will continue to bounce from home to home and state to state. Eventually, I will realize that home is where you make it, and not a single place will provide me with happiness, as it comes from within. I will always be unhappy with myself until I venture inside, no matter my geographical location.
You are correct in the sense that home is where you make it. It isn't the geographical location or the weather that perpetuates it but rather the people you surround youself with. Home can be both secure and volitile, safe and dangerous, happy or sad. It is the place where our internal self feels most secure staying. For some it is under an overpass or others it is in the suburbs behind the picket fence with the nuclear amercian family residing inside.
ReplyDeleteI feel you yearn for the latter but to get there you must retain the notion that it isn't the house that makes the home but rather the people inside of it. Take stock into those you surround yourself with. Is their level or understanding of stability the same as yours? Is their outlook on family the same, does their moral compass point in the same direction, or does their goals in life follow a similar path as yours? Once you find those that share your aspirations in life and surround yourself with them, you will find your home, your solace, your central point in which you can put down roots and break the cycle.