25 Ways To Brake By: April Edwards

UPDATE: 25 WAYS TO BRAKE

A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

      We've heard the complaints over and over again. “I get so BORED when I drive,” or “Braking just isn't fun anymore”. Well, we're here to solve the problem. Over our driving careers, we get used to the old routine: start the car, gas it up, stop, and shut her down. This leads to zombie like drivers who cruise around town with little to no expression or enthusiasm. This is a major problem. Our mission is to put the spark back into your driving career like igniting the flame on a deteriorating marriage. It's that important.
      One way we plan on doing this is by giving you alternate methods of using your brake. This tiny detail could make a world of difference and put the “fun” back in driving “fundamentals”. Let's take a look.


Braking Techniques:

Tap brake repetitively to the beat of your favorite song.

Brake suddenly, rousing your sleeping spouse in the passenger seat.

Brake suddenly, throwing your misbehaving children into the back of the front seats.

Use the emergency brake.

Begin braking exactly one mile from your stop.

Use your hand.

Throw a brick on the pedal.

Set your small child on the pedal.

Set your small dog on the pedal.

Use a crutch.

Use a cane.

Use a stick.

Use your boyfriend's face.

Develop a pulley system.

Practice Morse code.

Practice your tap dancing routine.

Use a bow and arrow.

Use a plunger.

Brake at every yellow light.

Brake at green lights instead of red lights.

Brake every time the radio announcer says a proper noun.

Use a gun.

Practice your Telekinesis.

Brake with your big toe.

Don't.

   With this set of new and exciting techniques, you will be on your way to braking success. Your family will appreciate your transformed attitude, and never again will they hear you complain about driving two blocks to the nearest grocery store. Our mission is to change the face of the average driver, one brake at a time.